•not funny ok•

wehidebehindstars:

peachvenom:

periods help you learn how to get blood off of things which is probably why you hear more stories of men caught with murder

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(via perks-of-being-chinese)

jpgay:

when ur eating something soft and hear a crunch

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(via pizza)

reshiham:

yifflord:

reshiham:

why cant your nose be 12 inches long?

because then it’ll be a foot

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(via famousest)

artichokehold:

how to walk a mile: a 5280 step program

(via famousest)

convertiblemysterymachine:

Are we just not gonna talk about how great Sky High was? 

Because

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It

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Deserves

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So

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Much

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More

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Credit

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Than

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We’re

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Currently

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Giving

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It

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(via heliolisk)

ilovett:

ashagreyioy:

when people are pushing ur buttons and ur just like “how am i gonna be a hufflepuff about this”

was I supposed to sing that to the tune of pompeii? because that’s what happened

(via little-red-lucy)

evxlution:

I want to be skinny, hot, beautiful, rich, etc., but the thing I really want is to be happy.

(via clestroying)

yzma:

the chicken from season 1 is more important than larry

(via clestroying)

weteevee:

parents when they can’t get a hold of you: “i called TWICE AND YOU DIDN’T PICK UP”

me when i can’t get a hold of my parents: “I BROKE MY LEG. I CALLED UR CELL 11 TIMES, UR WORK PHONE 7 TIMES, AND SENT YOU 23 TEXTS, AND NO RESPONSE”

my parents: “wow sorry i was busy”

(via svrcastic)

revoult:

it’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight

(via phobias)

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